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What does it mean to truly lead with empathy? And how can that same mindset shape the spaces we create for people as they age?
In this episode of Uplift Aging, host Amanda Wiedenfeld welcomes Tabitha Cuevas, Director of Building Development at Army Residence Community in San Antonio, for a conversation about leadership, personal growth, and the powerful connection between thoughtful design and aging well.
From an unexpected career journey that took her from human resources to memory care, facilities leadership, and building development, Tabitha shares the experiences that shaped her approach to leading and serving others. Together, Amanda and Tabitha explore the courage to embrace unfamiliar opportunities, the importance of investing in personal and professional development, and how empathy, active listening, and meaningful relationships can transform the way we lead.
They also discuss what it means to create spaces that truly feel like home, how intentional design can support independence and dignity at every age, and why involving older adults in decisions about their environments matters.
Whether you're a leader in aging services, navigating a new chapter in your own career, or thinking about what it means to age well, this conversation is a reminder that leadership and design have something important in common: both begin with seeing people for who they are and creating opportunities for them to thrive.
This episode is made possible by LeadingAge Texas' Partners: Communities of Faith, RRG, LeadingAge Texas Health Plan, Inc., Value First, and Ziegler.
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The Uplift Aging Podcast is a production of LeadingAge Texas.
Transcript (auto-generated)
Amanda (00:02)
This is Uplift Aging, the podcast that's more than a podcast. This is a challenge to embrace growing older, confront negative stereotypes, and better understand what may come with aging. I'm your host, Amanda Wiedenfeld. Together, let's uplift aging.
Amanda (00:21)
Our homes are more than the spaces we occupy. They reflect who we are, how we live, and what matters to us. But as our needs change, can those spaces continue to support our independence, dignity, and sense of belonging? Our guest today, Tabitha Cuevas, believes thoughtful design can make all the difference.
Tabitha is the Director of Building Development at Army Residence Community in San Antonio, a certified project management professional, and certified Aging in Place specialist. She's also a familiar face within Leading Age Texas.
she brings together technical expertise and a deeply human approach to leadership. Because she's not simply developing buildings and spaces, she's helping people create homes. Today we're exploring her unexpected journey into aging services, the importance of truly listening to the people we serve, and how the spaces we create can shape the way we age.
Tabitha, welcome to Uplift Aging.
Tabitha Cuevas (01:14)
Thank
you so much for having me.
Amanda (01:16)
So before we get into the spaces that you help create, I want to start with the person behind that work.
Tabitha Cuevas (01:22)
Sure.
Amanda (01:22)
So how did you find your way into building development? what is that? And how did you find your way into aging services overall?
Tabitha Cuevas (01:29)
Sure. So I I didn't necessarily set out with this grand plan to go into aging services. my background was actually in HR. I worked for an organization that had a hundred unions, so there were a hundred union benefit plans. so I would go in and I would talk to their union reps and I felt like I was their advocate.
I've always been an advocate for people who felt like they didn't have a voice and they weren't heard. And my dad and my grandfather were blue-collar workers, so it just felt like a natural fit that I would be in the blue-collar space working for unions. I was actually working from home and I saw an ad for a senior living community that was hiring, and I thought that that could be interesting. It was five minutes from my house. I was kind of tired of being at home and alone and
not really being face to face with people. So I went in and applied for an HR position that they had posted. I actually got a call back the same day as my interview and they said, so we think you might be overqualified for the HR position that we're looking for. But we have this interesting opportunity in marketing that we'd like you to consider. So I thought, I don't know much about marketing. I don't
Really, I'm not a salesperson. if somebody tells me no, I'll say okay, thank you, and walk away. but I thought it sounded really interesting. It was for a brand new building they were building. and they wanted somebody to come in and help people make selections and help them to design their apartments. So I felt like let's try something new. so I I took that job and I was there for eight years. and
During that time, the eight years that I had there, one of the positions that I held was the marketing and admissions per person for their memory care unit. And I will tell you, I felt every feeling the family felt when they came in to talk to me about placing their loved ones possibly, you know, in our community. I felt the sadness, I felt the pain, I felt the failure they felt and the fact that they couldn't take care of their person anymore.
all all the feelings. but I also saw the relief when we could tell them we can take care of your loved one, bring them here, and you have my absolute, you know, 100% guaranteed stamp that we're gonna do that for you. And as as much of the the highs and lows that that position had, I loved every minute of that role. It taught me something new every day.
I knew I was making a difference not only for residents and their and their families, but it was changing something in me. I think it's a role that that taught me I was in the position and I was in the place I had always needed to be. and so that was senior living. and then fast forward from that position, and I had an executive director ask me if I was interested in being the director of facilities.
That was a very overwhelming thought for me because I hadn't really done anything in the facilities realm. I I knew that it was the maintenance and housekeeping departments. and I knew it was a really strong team, and I thought there's a strong team there, and I think they can teach me probably more than I can teach them. But I knew I had an organizational set of skills, and I thought this is a challenge I want to accept.
I remember being told by a few male residents that I had no business taking the position. and you know, did I even know how to fix an HVAC system? And I thought, well, you know, I I may not, but I have a team that probably can, and if they can't, I know how to use a phone, right? I know how to use a phone to get somebody else in there to do that. but I'll I'll always remember the person who gave me that opportunity. It was the first woman.
To ever hold that position in the organization organization's history. And I was up for the challenge. And so, I just I think back to the person who opened the door for me. And, you it was
Amanda (05:27)
Mm.
Tabitha Cuevas (05:28)
a very rewarding experience during that time, is also when I went through the leading age at the time leadership academy. And I remember one of the first things that I learned was we were assigned a book, and it was called The Way of the Shepherd.
And it was a short read, less than 120-ish pages, but that book really changed my leadership style. And it was really about the shepherd and how they took care of their flock and knew each sheep individually. The main principle was knowing your people, knowing their potential, knowing them as a person, and not just a worker.
and it's a s a simple thing that you think everybody knows, right? but oftentimes that's really not the case in leadership. So that that's really how my leadership journey kind of evolved. and then in the end of my career there, I was called by the ARC for an opportunity and a position that they were creating. it was brand new, and again.
It was something in design and building development, facilities, construction. And so I didn't think I had any plan to leave where I was. But I went to that interview and the CEO was in our interview. And I remember walking, you know, talking to him in the interview. I remember we were walking and he was talking to every person. He knew their names, asked about families. And by that in the end of that interview, I knew.
If I was offered the position that I would take it because the CEO was a shepherd.
Amanda (07:01)
Thank you for sharing that. I really love a few things about your story. Your willingness to step into opportunities you hadn't necessarily imagined for yourself, even when you didn't have all the answers, or when those you were leading maybe knew more about the specific subject than you did when you stepped into that role. I really appreciate you sharing the adversity you faced, especially that resident expressing concerns about you even belonging in the role.
I feel like a lot of women in leadership can tell you a similar story to that. And thank you for talking about the leader who opened the door for you I can only imagine that you've opened doors for others along the way. And I think that's a meaningful part of leadership that I love to highlight. It's not just about the opportunities that we ourselves step into, but it's about creating opportunities for others.
Amanda (07:55)
Let's go back to something you mentioned about your time working in memory care. Was there a particular experience during that time when you realized you'd found your place in aging services?
Tabitha Cuevas (08:05)
Yeah, i i there was a moment that I had a a daughter came in looking for a place for her mom, and she said that she had this i the daughter called it an irrational fear that she always thought that there were bugs crawling on her skin, and so much so that she would pick her skin. And so I I remember hearing the story and the pain behind the story and how she just
She didn't know what to do. Her mom was living with her, she was taking care of her, and she just couldn't do it anymore. she had small children at home, you know, a husband, a family, you you're taking care of them, and then having to dedicate so much time to mom. And she said, I I feel so awful that I just can't do it anymore. And so I like I said, I felt the feelings, you know, how.
you know, just hopeless that she felt and just lost and didn't know where to turn. And so she did end up moving in with us. And I always made rounds in memory care. You know, I like to go by, talk to residents. And I remember the first week she was there, I actually found her sitting in the living room and she was picking at her skin. And I said, my gosh, you know what what's going on? And she goes, There's bugs, there's bugs everywhere and she was just holding herself.
And I said, you know what? There's no bugs. And I said, look, look down at your arms. Do you see anything? No, but I feel them. And we actually had a little nook that had baby dolls in it. I don't know what made me go grab one of those dolls for her to hold, but I thought if she had something in her hands, maybe she wouldn't fidget and she wouldn't. So I just went over to the corner, grabbed one of those baby dolls, and put it in her hands. And I said, look at this beautiful.
Baby girl. Look at how beautiful she is. Isn't her hair lovely? And she started playing with the curls on the doll's head. And she was holding her, and then she began to rock her and sing her songs. And so she stopped paying attention to you know the bugs that were crawling on her. And every day after that, I would go back there and she would have the baby doll. And she was rocking and singing. I had just had.
A a daughter, and she had grown out of some clothes that I knew would fit in the baby doll. So one day I came to work and I gave her a bag of clothes for the baby. And she goes, my goodness, I was just gonna go to the store and buy her some clothes. Thank you so much. And yeah, it was just a simple interaction. I I didn't really think anything of it, but I got a letter from the daughter, probably 30 days after that. And
just overwhelmingly had joy and said, you know, I I haven't seen any scabs on mom's arm. She stopped picking. And you know, it's it's all because of you. And I thought it it's not. It's not because of me. It was a simple thing that I did. But there are so many people taking care of her and her daily activities that I didn't think that it was anything to do with me. I thought it was just a simple thing that I did for someone.
And I remember she came in and and we cried together because it was just an overwhelming sense for her. She felt like it was validated that she knew she was in the place that she belonged. And she wasn't having, you know, the the feelings of bugs anymore and and she had a purpose because now she had this baby girl to take care of.
Amanda (11:25)
That is so beautiful, Tabitha. Wow.
Tabitha Cuevas (11:27)
Yeah.
Amanda (11:27)
you you changed her life and her daughter's life.
Tabitha Cuevas (11:30)
And they changed mine, truly. Yeah.
Amanda (11:32)
I can only imagine for the daughter to go from the one extreme of feeling that desperation with which she came to you I think you mentioned that she felt like she was a failure. to see that that change.
for her to see her mom thrive in a way that she could have probably never foreseen had she kept mom, at home among all the other duties that she's had to do and being part of that sandwich generation that we talk about, what a gift for that family, truly.
Tabitha Cuevas (11:59)
And I I really do feel I look back on that and that is really when things shifted for me. It's like I'm not I'm not just providing a place. I'm providing, you know, to me it was about the safety. it was about the dignity that we were giving back. and and I felt it and when she felt it, it was just such a huge like validating moment for me that I'm I'm in the space that I'm supposed to be in.
Amanda (12:27)
what advice would you have for other leaders who
are similar. how do you not burn out? all of these feelings and all of these interactions? How do you not take all of that on all the time? what's the advice you have for that?
Tabitha Cuevas (12:40)
Yeah,
I mean, I I think it's talking. I think it's talking to other people who, you know, have the similar feelings and the similar experiences. You know, sometimes it's going home and and telling my husband, you know, what happened in the day and you know, just having somebody to listen to you and to say, like, you know, wow, that must be really hard. Or, you know, you handled that really well. You know, I think it's just
Yeah, having an outlet, because it can it can be real tough, it can be real heavy to to feel all of those feelings. But when you go back and do some self-reflection and you really think about, you know, what how did this impact the people around me? Did I make a difference? Did I I make them feel seen, heard, you know, all the things, and just knowing that the work that you're doing is making an impact to not only
the people that you're giving the care to, but also with yourself. You know, is it making me a better person? Is it making me a a better mentor, a better listener? so really just kind of turning it inward.
Amanda (13:49)
you continue to invest in
your personal growth and your development within the association itself, from the Leadership Institute to the Masterclass and continuing to get involved with the association at large? What has motivated you to keep learning and challenging yourself as a leader? And what advice would you give your younger self as you look back on your leadership journey,
Tabitha Cuevas (14:10)
Yeah. I think sometimes we can reach a point where we feel like we're just we're kind of moving along, right? There's not really anything new going on. There's not really any any new challenges for yourself personally, but I think as a leader we learn lessons. some some of them are hard lessons.
but we learn lessons along the way, and sometimes we don't have the right tools to deal with situations. And for me, it's I always want to have the tool to do something and do something well. And if I'm not, then there's probably something I can learn or take away from that. it's just how how am I challenging myself as a leader? How am I setting an example for the people who work for me and with me?
Um and and do they see that I care enough? Do they see that I'm I'm doing the hard things and I'm doing the things that are gonna help bring about change? And and if I'm not, am I really serving them well as a leader? so for me, always trying to look for the things that can make me better for them and so that I can pull them up to join me, let's promote from within and what can I do to help you on your leadership journey?
is there something that you want to do? Is there a training you wanna take? Is there, a path that you are looking for? And so I think just making myself better helps my team see that there are things they can do. Cause I mean, I never thought this is where I would be in my career. I never thought I would be in building, development, and construction. That's just not something that I was like, yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.
but I'm here and and I'm
proud and I'm happy to be here.
if I could tell my younger self something now, it would just be keep keep your options open, look for opportunities, challenge yourself.
and I think if I had started doing that earlier, who knows where I would be, but I am glad that I at least caught it somewhere along the way and have decided to push myself.
Amanda (16:07)
Yeah. I feel like younger Tabitha would be super proud of you.
Tabitha Cuevas (16:12)
I hope so. I think so.
Amanda (16:16)
Okay, I'd love to shift gears a little bit and explore the design side of your work. One of the things I find very interesting about what you do is that you're bringing together the technical aspects of building development with something deeply personal because ultimately these are people's homes, right? We hear terms like aging in place, accessible design, universal design quite a bit in our field, but they may not be familiar to everyone listening. So
can you help us understand what those concepts mean in practice and how they influence the way that you approach creating spaces?
Tabitha Cuevas (16:50)
Sure. So I I think because of the position that I'm in, I see spaces differently than most people do. I notice the the path from the bed to the bathroom. I notice where light switches are, you know, I notice if there's enough light in the room. when something looks beautiful, is it functional? it it can look great and you can walk into a room and go, wow, this is amazing. But
Is it functional for the person who's going to use it? can they get what they need? Can they move around comfortably? can they do for them things for themselves without having to ask for help? those details are not things that people typically notice when they walk into something thinking design, but it can make a tremendous difference in somebody's independence. So, one of the things that I think about that we've done differently recently is
the the microwave placement in an apartment or in someone's home is typically above a stove, right? we don't think about what happens if I lose range of motion in my shoulders, what happens if I lose some finger dexterity. you know, so one of the things that we have done is we've started offering a microwave drawer. So it goes in some island cabinetry underneath a counter.
It has a little flip-down display and you push a button and the drawer opens. And so you're placing things in and out with having without having to reach above your head, without having to stoop. so that's, you know, just one of the things that we do when we talk about designing for future and designing for aging in place. again, I always go back to dignity and safety. You know, get giving somebody the dignity to do things on their own without having to ask for help.
And making it safe, right? Making sure that those things are safe for them to use. So one of the things that I feel like residents have taught me isn't so much about how they spend their money or, you know, whether they're getting the newest best finishes, but it's whether you recognize yourself in the space, whether you think you can use that. You know, is it and it does come back to some simple things, like you know, it did
Is there familiar chair in their space? Are there family photos there? it's the ability to make the choices for their surroundings, you know, making it feel like it truly is home. and it's being able to to close your door, have privacy and feel like it's your space. one of the things that I love is helping resident make those choices. we have our own ideas about what looks beautiful and what people
will want and ultimately it's their home, but it's our job to listen and create the spaces for them and making sure that it reflects back to what they want. We have a virtual kitchen designer in studio. And so they can come in and make their own design selections, communicate preferences. We can show them in the virtual kitchen what it's going to look like together.
And it's really easy for somebody to come in and look at a cabinet, but when we put it up on a display board and show you what the cabinet and the countertop and the backsplash is going to look like together, it really helps tie everything together. technology can be wonderful when it helps us listen better and helps us to design those spaces. you know, technology isn't necessarily the point, the resident is.
But at the end of it, the resident wants spaces again that help them keep their dignity intact and and age gracefully and in the safety of their own homes.
Amanda (20:05)
Absolutely, it's a tool, right? I love how you're using technology to help residents visualize and make decisions about their future homes. As someone who's very visual I can appreciate how meaningful that must be, especially for someone transitioning from a home maybe where they've lived for decades.
And that brings me to a question, a bigger question about planning for the future. Whether we're moving into a senior living community or hoping to remain in our current home, how early should we be thinking about designing spaces that can adapt to our changing needs as we age? Is this something we should be considering at 65, at 45 earlier?
Tabitha Cuevas (20:46)
I always feel like you wanna do it before you need it.
I talk to friends about it now who are building homes, it's like think about things for the few like if this is gonna be your long term home, think about things that are gonna make it different. when you because if you think about it, I could go outside right now, trip and fall and break a hip or knee.
Right and be on crutches. And
Amanda (21:06)
Truly. Yeah. Yeah.
Tabitha Cuevas (21:08)
it doesn't have to be somebody in their sixties plus.
when you're thinking about design, thinking about, you know, are your door spaces wide enough if you were to need, you know, some an assistive device to get around? are there stairs or steps or anything into the home, or you know, some houses are still split how would you navigate those spaces if you had to be
with an assistive device. so doorways, thresholds. you know, I I know decorative rugs are important to folks, but truly I I hate when I see them. If if you don't have
Amanda (21:40)
Yeah.
Tabitha Cuevas (21:41)
to have that decorative throw rug or you don't have to have that floor plug, don't. You you don't
think about how often somebody could catch, you know, and not just an assistive vice, you could catch a toe on it.
Try not to have hazards in your walkway. Make sure when you're going again from that bedroom to the bathroom, how many obstacles are in the way when you go? So it's not just about the architecture of the space that you're living in, but it's how you design, how you lay your furniture out in the room. you know, you you want wide enough spaces to where you can get through. You don't want a lot of clutter. you know, so just
I I say as early as possible to start thinking about those things. It doesn't have to be that you're gonna need them when you're older. You could need them now. so just just thinking about the pathways and what you get to things. If if you were to to have to be in a wheelchair, could you get to your microwave? Could you get to the cabinets that are up above? they make these
They're like wire baskets that you can put into the upper cabinets that actually pull down for you. They just get installed into the cabinet itself. So thinking about things like that, you know, can can I safely reach the cereal box if I needed to get into the upper cabinet? and I was sitting
in a in a seated position. And most of the times the answer is no. And it's really expensive to have to overhaul a whole kitchen and lower cabinets.
but there are things that you can use to make your the current cabinets that you have more accessible to you should you need it.
Amanda (23:14)
Okay, so what you're describing is resonating with me on a different level, I guess. But earlier this year I broke my ankle, Suddenly, something as simple as getting to my bedroom, which is on the second story, became a true challenge. Of course, this is a temporary experience, but it completely changed the way that I noticed environments around.
my home, but also in public spaces, I became so much more aware of barriers that I had previously taken for granted and how much those barriers affect independence. I think what's making this conversation so important is thoughtful, accessible design is not just preparing for aging. It's about creating spaces that work
well for people through all different stages and all different circumstances that life can bring, right?
Tabitha Cuevas (24:03)
so just so going off of that, I I hope that we move towards environments that are designed more around how people want to live rather just than just services that they may eventually need when they're, you
Amanda (24:16)
Yeah.
Tabitha Cuevas (24:16)
in senior living. I want the spaces to feel like home. I don't want it to feel institutional. I don't want it to feel like y you know, we're not thinking about accessibility.
We're not thinking about we need to think about the technology that supports people without taking over their lives, where residents can make choices and how they live. People's needs change, but that doesn't mean their environment should suddenly stop working for them.
We evolve as people who will actually live in the spaces. and much earlier in the process, you know, we're talking about how early is too early to start thinking about things. I
Amanda (24:52)
Mm-hmm.
Tabitha Cuevas (24:52)
I don't think there is a too early. and and we bring a lot of expertise to the table with folks when when we're in those these design appointments and they're asking about, you know, can I can I do this? You know, can is there something we can do differently?
But the resident wants to replicate something that they have in their home. But we also need to make sure that it's livable for them here. It's just really about creating environments that give people more opportunities to live the way they want to.
Amanda (25:21)
can you walk us through the design studio that y'all have? someone walks into an appointment. What does that look like? What does it entail?
Tabitha Cuevas (25:27)
So I I always think that it's funny when people think that they're coming into the traditional, you know, apartment style, like you get to pick your wall color and maybe your carpet. so I think the arc is doing something different than most communities are doing because we are giving them a true start from scratch experience.
when I first started with the arc, and I'm coming up on seven years next year,
when I first started, we had three design boards. It had one cabinet, one countertop, one backsplash, and one flooring. And so we had three of all of those things. and I remember thinking, I don't know that that's enough.
And so I've gone the complete opposite way now to where we have 15 cabinet choices. We have 15
countertops. We have, I think, 68 different backsplashes. And
Amanda (26:24)
my goodness.
Tabitha Cuevas (26:25)
so, and that sounds overwhelming and it can be. But when somebody comes in, I always start with, tell me about your current home. You know, what are the things you love? What are the things that you would like to?
to continue here or are you just ready for something new? You know, some people will say I've lived in a house for 30, 40 years with the same brown cabinets and I don't want that anymore. And it's like, okay, let's let's do something fun. But it always starts
Amanda (26:50)
Yeah.
Tabitha Cuevas (26:51)
with, you know, their personality, what they like, um and you know, are there colors that they love that they're gonna bring forward into their new home? m And then we just start kind of building those blocks together.
and like I said, when when we can put it up on screen to show them what everything is gonna look like together, they get really excited. you know, it's something simple like taking a backsplash from a vertical or horizontal position and making it herringbone. You know, wouldn't think that that
Amanda (27:19)
Um
Tabitha Cuevas (27:20)
would make a huge difference and you can't really visualize what herringbone's gonna look like. But then when we make that selection on the screen and it changes from a regular position into herringbone.
We will a lot of times get a know, I didn't know it could do that. I didn't know.
Amanda (27:34)
Yeah.
Tabitha Cuevas (27:36)
Yeah, so they get really excited. you know, and and we're picking flooring and we're picking paint and we're picking cabinet pools and lighting. And it's just it's an exciting time for them. I get excited when they get excited. I I don't know if that's the empath in me or just I love to see people light up and get excited for it because
Sometimes this can be a really stressful move. again, go back to them living in their home for 30 plus years and they're thinking, I'm having to leave a home that I love. I may not want to. this may not be exciting for me. And so when I get someone like that and I'm able to turn them around and get them excited and get them fired up for the the possibilities and what their future is gonna be.
That's the challenge that I love. I love that challenging person that comes in. Of course I love the excited people too, but to be able to make a difference for someone who's coming in thinking, this is so stressful. I don't want to do this. Please don't make me do this. My
Amanda (28:36)
Mm-hmm.
Tabitha Cuevas (28:37)
family's making me do this. to go from that to a, my God, this was so much fun. I can't wait to see what it's gonna look like, you know, the finished product. So it really is a start to finish. We take units down to studs.
Um and and we recreate
Amanda (28:49)
That's awesome.
Tabitha Cuevas (28:51)
spaces for them. We make them open concept so they're not just the small compartmentalized apartments that people are used to. We're giving them open concept kitchens with islands to where they can entertain in the home sh, you know, if if they they don't have to cook here, but if they want to, they've got this beautifully appointed kitchen with an island where they can be having conversations with people in their living room while they're cooking or making cocktails.
so it's just it it it's really fun and I've loved every second of being able to do this with folks. I've loved the progression of the studio and how much we've grown. and it's just it's so exciting to offer something that most communities don't.
Amanda (29:34)
Okay, I'm imagining, your role as the director of building development,
has blueprints and budgets and as you were talking about construction schedules.
But you've also talked so much today about how much of your job is about people and relationships. what does it take to to balance those two very different things? and how do you build trust across your team and the residents that you're working with and also like track of all of the very detailed things that you have to do.
Tabitha Cuevas (30:02)
Yeah, so it goes beyond spreadsheets, right? Obviously we've got spreadsheets
Amanda (30:05)
For sure.
Tabitha Cuevas (30:06)
and schedules and budgets, but it it does go beyond that. so for the person moving in, like I said, having those touch points with them to make sure they know that we're on track. But one of the bigger pieces of what we do because it's construction and it's loud, is also keeping our current residents happy. And and that can
Amanda (30:26)
Mm, very true.
Tabitha Cuevas (30:27)
can be a challenge and it has been in the past. but I think the biggest thing that we can do is listen. You've got to listen to to what people are saying, to the complaints or sometimes compliments they can have or just feedback in general. You know, I something that was said this week on the masterclass was feedback is a gift.
And sometimes we don't remember that feedback is a gift because of how the feedback is being given to us, right? but for me, it it took a resident coming in and near tears to say, I can't take the construction noise anymore. And so I let her talk and I, you know, she had some stuff going on, and and you know, she looked at her home as her solace to to just
relax and if she needed to take a nap, could take a nap and couldn't. And so I I listened and I said, what could I do differently that would make a difference for you? And she said, well it would just be helpful if I knew what was going on. So I decided that we have floor reps here at the ARC where there's one person who's in charge of floor communication. And so I started doing a monthly report.
for every unit in the high rise that was under construction and it just says, Hey, in unit four four, you know, we're gonna be doing some heavy demo this week. you know, the next week is, you know, maybe we're doing sheetrock. And so based off of what we're doing in the units, they know the noise level that's gonna happen for that week. And so that same resident who came in and and was upset.
came to me a couple of weeks later and she said, I can't tell you what a difference it has made that you started sending out this weekly report. She's like, I know if I see demo or if I see saw cutting or cord drilling, I know I need to be out for this week. She's like, So, you know, I'll schedule more Mahjong games or, you know, attend more bingos and movies movie nights. so it it's it's listening, listening, customer service and communication.
I think are a really big deal to our whole process. So it's not only with our internal teams and the residents who are coming in, but the residents who live here, you know, contractors, it's everything. So just making sure that we're listening and we're communicating and we are providing the best customer service that we can all while managing the projects.
Amanda (32:56)
Tabitha, that's a fabulous lesson in leadership, honestly. that active listening Feedback is a gift. I love that callback. but truly that changed the game. Like clearly you can't stop construction, right? that would be the ideal solution for this resident. Like just have the construction not exist for sure. but just to listen to that.
feedback she provided and creating a solution that benefits not just her, but then so many other residents who could potentially be affected as well. That's a good leadership lesson right there. uh
Tabitha Cuevas (33:25)
For sure.
Amanda (33:27)
I love it.
is there a book that's had a meaningful impact on you, personally as a leader, and how has it shaped the the way that you approach the work that you do?
Tabitha Cuevas (33:38)
So I highly recommend Way of the Shepherd for everyone to read. Like I said, it's a short read, but it's a really impactful read. but one that I read not too long ago is a book by Mel Robbins called The Let Them Theory. have you read that one?
Amanda (33:52)
Yeah. I have,
Tabitha Cuevas (33:55)
So I would say that is a really great personal book, but it's a really great leadership book as well.
I I've heard some conflicting things where people are saying, well, you're you're letting people abuse you if you let them. But I don't see it that way at all. I think for me, it's more about the let me part of the let them theory that I love so much is, you know, let them do and say what they're going to say, but let me.
control my own self and how I'm going to react and how I'm going to answer the way they're coming across to me. so it it really is just a to me it's a self-reflection book. You know, am I doing the right things? Am I letting myself make the right choices and decisions? And, you know, am I taking time to pause before I give an answer? Am I really thinking about, you know, what they're doing? Am I letting
Myself control how I'm going to react and how I'm going to speak to someone after I have let them.
Amanda (34:59)
I think that's perfectly said. And I also had a similar takeaway from that book. I was definitely assuming based on the title, that it would be more of an outward situation, but it definitely had me do a lot of self-reflection. I'm wondering, Tabitha, if that's maybe a book for us empaths that we all needed to read to get to be like, okay, like
Tabitha Cuevas (35:21)
Yeah.
Amanda (35:21)
we can feel the things and we can understand the things that people are feeling and have control over how we, react and what we can do after we take that all in, right?
Tabitha Cuevas (35:32)
Right.
Amanda (35:33)
Solid, solid recommendations all around.
when you think about the next, 10 to 20 years of senior living, of aging services what do you see changing and what excites you the most about our work?
Tabitha Cuevas (35:46)
it's kind of a hard one. what I see changing is and what I hope is changing is that more people are gonna wanna be involved in aging services. you know, that we keep talking about this silver tsunami that's coming and and it's here. but it's gonna continue and and we're gonna continue to grow at a rate in which
we're not ready for. and I think, you know, as communities are popping up left and right, I I just hope that everybody is really thinking about aging in place. I keep hearing so many people closing health care and closing assisted livings and just scares me. It scares me a lot. But when I think about
What we're doing here, helping people age in place and and helping them make choices so that they can age in place. I'm excited about that. I'm hopeful that the places that are just doing independent living are thinking about aging in place and thinking about design and and what they can incorporate into their independent living because you know, at some point most of us are gonna need additional help. And
Amanda (36:56)
Right.
Tabitha Cuevas (36:56)
Are we gonna have enough? you know, so that's is scary, but it's also exciting because I want people to start having more conversation around how do we do this? You know, how do we allow people to age in place? How can we help them? What can we do? You know, or are there things that we haven't even thought about yet? And I'm excited to be a part of the conversation. I'm, you know.
sticking my foot in the door, trying to to get people to listen and and and trying to be in the rooms where these conversations are being had, because I think it's really important.
Amanda (37:30)
What do you think aging services providers should be paying more attention to right now?
Tabitha Cuevas (37:35)
I I think they should be paying more attention to the people who are coming in. I think the the person coming into a senior living community is different now than it was five, ten years ago. and are they looking at the the profile that has changed? Are are they looking at the person as a whole from what the person looked like five years ago that was coming onto their campus versus what they look like today? Are they really looking
at the person as a whole, are they are they looking at their needs, at their wants? I don't know if that's the answer or if that answers the question, but I think it's just really important
that we are we're paying attention to the folks that are coming in.
Amanda (38:15)
I think that goes back to your your story about that resident who came in saying she just couldn't take the noise anymore. and your answer was like you you truly just listened to her, like the act of listening. I I see that so much in your leadership and your stories, like and I think you're an advocate of truly seeing people for who they are and what they bring and listening to what they want and how we can help empower them,
Tabitha Cuevas (38:36)
I hope so. I I hope I hope that I can influence more people to think that way too.
Amanda (38:44)
Okay, so for someone listening today, who maybe is not in the field of aging services like we are,
What is something you hope they take away from this episode
Tabitha Cuevas (38:52)
I think it's are they listening? Are they listening to what their loved one wants? You know, or are they listening to their fears, whether they think they're irrational or not? You know, what what's the thing that's holding them back? And are we trying to match that with something that they will gain? You know, are w it it's easy for us to say, you know, mom or dad needs a
a higher level of care needs to move into a senior living community and for them to know, but I know they don't want to, you know, but why? Why don't they want to? are are they afraid? You know, we I keep going back to things that I've learned this week from you. but when we're thinking about people, it it's what's their fear? You know, is is it
know they think they're not going to be able to make friends. They're going to move into a space where people are already linked up and have their groups of people and you know how do you make friends when you're older? it it's you know do they think that there's not going to be anything to do? Do they think that they're going to be isolated? You know, just listening to all of the things. And so when they're walking through community pointing out the things
That go against that fear. know, you know, mom
Amanda (40:05)
Mm-hmm.
Tabitha Cuevas (40:06)
doesn't know if she can make friends, and the marketer has heard, you know, the I don't know that I can make friends. And then, you know, hey, well, here's a group of ladies who have moved here in the past year that are friends. you know, they go to movie nights, they go to the lunch bunch, you know, they do these things, but it it's kind of a needs matching in a way, but it's also
I've got your list of fears and how can I strike through each one of those to get you to where you feel like this is what you need to do.
Amanda (40:36)
You know, I really appreciate you saying that. Uh a dear friend of mine who actually spent years working in aging services is now helping her mother in law explore senior living options. And hearing about her experience has reminded me that even when you know this field well, it is entirely different when it's you or someone you love. There's so much emotion and vulnerability involved in that process, among so many other things. And families are navigating difficult conversations, they're sharing
deeply personal information and ultimately trusting that a community will see and care for their loved one as a whole person. And I think that's such an important reminder for those of us working in aging services. It's not just about helping someone make a move, it's about meeting people where they are, meeting the families where they are, listening with compassion, that act of listening, and recognizing just how significant this transition can be.
Tabitha Cuevas (41:34)
And I think you know too
when you're walking through a space, if the person
who's doing your tour, whether it be a marketing person or, you know, somebody on nursing staff, you can really genuinely tell if somebody loves where they work, and is listening and is you know, you can needs match without saying, Well, you said that you weren't sure if you were gonna make friends and so
Look at these ladies who are making friends. you don't necessarily have to call that out. And I think if you are really looking at the person and you're hearing what they're saying, you can say, Ha, you know, this is Mrs. Smith. When she came here, she was so nervous that she wasn't gonna make friends. And now here she is with Margaret and Jan and Cindy, and they're all best friends, and they go to the movies and they do this and they do that. I
I think it's just you you can tell when somebody is genuine or not. And I would encourage you to to visit many places. You know, you may have gotten a r recommendation for one, but I think it's important to go to several communities and and have those tours and see where did you feel like you were seen the most and where did you feel like you could see yourself.
Amanda (42:53)
Yeah. I think this whole conversation has really reinforced for me that aging well is not just about the services or the supports available to to us or our loved ones, but it is about the environments and the communities that are created and
that so many people like yourself are working hard to create and how those allow us to be living with independence and confidence and that sense of belonging. so Tabitha truly thank you for the work that you do.
before I let you go, I do have one final question that I ask every guest on uplift aging. So Tabitha, tell me, how do you uplift aging?
Tabitha Cuevas (43:32)
I I I knew you were gonna ask me this question, so I started to think about
Amanda (43:35)
Ha ha ha.
Tabitha Cuevas (43:36)
it. and I think I I uplift aging by just knowing that I have a responsibility to create spaces for people that they want to be in. again, where they can age with dignity, know that they can age safely. And I think it it's also remembering that we're not just designing for somebody else's future.
But we're also designing for ours.
Amanda (44:00)
I think that's perfectly said.
again, thank you. thank you for joining me and for sharing your expertise. It was so fun to learn from you. but also for sharing your personal journey and some of the lessons that you've learned along the way. I really hope this conversation encourages, our listeners to look a little differently at the places that we call home right now and to think about.
the role that those spaces play in our independence, our dignity, like you've talked about, our quality of life, and maybe start, thinking ahead a little bit. so thank you again. I appreciate you being here.
Tabitha Cuevas (44:30)
Thank you so much.
Amanda (44:39)
Thanks for tuning in to Uplift Aging, a production of Leading Age Texas. Check out this episode's show notes for more about Leading Age Texas, today's guest, and the Uplift Aging movement. Until next time, join us on socials at Uplift Aging as we continue to elevate the conversation on aging.